Dealing With Grief 5:3

SOUL-









I just recently watched the movie "Remember Me" with Robert Pattinson. This movie did a great job in detailing how one deals with the loss of a loved one. Robert Pattinson's Character "Tyler" and his family are grieving his brother's suicide, while his girlfriend Ally and her father are dealing with the murder of her mother. In a twist at the end there is yet another death they must also deal with. It does makes one realize how special every day of life is and how it should not be taken for granted.

 There is a grieving process that one must go through in order to heal from a traumatic event, such as death of a loved one. It should not be hurried and may take a long period of time, usually a year or more. This may be something new and may be the worst pain you've ever felt. The stages of grief I will list may not be experienced by all and may not be experienced in this order. It's important to know that what you are feeling is natural and that time will heal your wounds.

SHOCK- Some people feel shock after a loss. They may not believe the news of a death or feel numb inside, unable to show emotion or cry. Gradually they become aware of what has happened and are able to react. Some skip this step and are directly able to show emotions immediately.

EMOTIONAL RELEASE- Eventually the person is able to feel pain and hurt. You should not supress your feelings. Supressed feelings may surface at a later time in unhealthy ways. Sharing your feelings with others helps and brings people closer together.

PREOCCUPATION WITH THE DECEASED OR CRISIS- Despite trying to think of other things, it may be hard for a grieving person to stop thinking about the deceased person. This is not unusual and with time, will pass.

SYMPTOMS OF SOME PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL DISTRESS- These symptoms may come and go. The most common physical symptoms are:

• difficulty sleeping
• tightness in the throat
• a choking feeling
• shortness of breath
• deep sighing
• an empty hallow feeling in the stomach
• lack of muscular power
• digestive problems and poor appetite

 Some common emotional symptoms are:

• a slight sense of unreality
• feelings of emotional distance from people, noone really understands or cares
• sometimes people seem shadowy or small
• sometimes there are feelings of panic, thoughts of self-destruction, or the desire to run away from it all

These feelings may have one feeling they are going insane, but they are actually quite normal.

HOSTILE REACTIONS- You may be experiencing a lot of anger in situations you wouldn't normally. You may get angry at individuals who are innocent such as doctors, nurses, God, or the person that has died. There could be feelings of anger towards family members who you feel are not being sympathetic or showing emotional support you feel they should be. Anger and hostility are normal and should not be supressed, however it's important that you direct your anger at what's really making you upset, (losing someone you love.)

BARGAINING- You may begin to make bargains with God, "if I do this, will you take away the loss?"

GUILT- There is usually some sense of guilt. One may think of all the things they could have done. They accuse themselves for not doing enough. Guilt is normal and should pass with time.

DEPRESSION- Many people feel complete despair, unbearable loneliness and hopelessness, nothing seems worthwhile. These feelings are more intense for those who live alone or have little family. These feelings are normal and should pass with time.

WITHDRAWAL- The grieving person may begin to withdraw from social situations. Their daily routines are usually disrupted and life seems like a bad dream. This is normal and will take some effort to overcome, but the rewards are worthwhile.

RESOLUTION AND READJUSTMENT- This comes gradually. The memories are still there, and the wound begins to heal. You begin to move on with life and feel joy once again. By experiencing deep pain and accepting it and allowing yourself to move through it you will grow spiritually with compassion, understanding and wisdom.

During the grieving process you may have many conflicting emotions which can be very stressful on you. Denying these feelings and not working through them is even harder on the mind and body though. There is no set time for someone to grieve, it is a highly personal event for each individual.

Some tips on getting through pain are:

1. Learn to accept that your loss is real.
2. Make it OK to feel the pain.
3. Adjust to living without the deceased.
4. Find a safe place in your heart and allow yourself to move on.
5. What do you do with the love you feel?
6. Find support
7. Take care of yourself.
8. Draw comfort from your faith.

When grief doesn't go away or you are having serious thoughts of harming yourself, then you may need to seek professional help from a counselor or psychologist.